okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
