OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
