new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
