you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
