thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
