This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
