i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
