ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
