normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
