Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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