im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
