i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I die, sorry about rent.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
