I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
