I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
