i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
