After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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