I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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