so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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