i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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