here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
