ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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