So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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