Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
