On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
