It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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