Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
this is an emotional support booty call
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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