What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
