I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think people are normalizing furries
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
