Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
