My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
