you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
