I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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