May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
