He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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