Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
