i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
