you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
