just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
