I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize