Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night