my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating