sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.