New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?