So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.