I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me