She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?