This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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