Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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