I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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