I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
tell me about the fingering
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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