I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize