That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
