A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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