you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
