I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
