My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
