Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
