If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
