gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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