She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
