I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
