So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
