We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
