i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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