so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
