Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
where are my eyebrows?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
