she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
