I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
