I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
