Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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