if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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