Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
