I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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