I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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