The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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