haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
