12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
