Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
