Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
