She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm bleeding and have questions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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